Sunday, August 30, 2015

What My Heart Sings... "Beyond Me"

Our conversation left me uneasy...

I don't like this
I don't want this
I am not made for this

and then it dawned on me that I was wrong...

this is exactly what I was made for

to serve Him
to trust Him
to give Him

complete control over my life
because this life is beyond me

but

He knows all
He has plans
He does things

in ways that I would not necessarily choose
and sometimes that is what scares me most

 because

I would rather live the

easy
light
carefree

kind of life
(if that even exists)

I would rather do the things that come

naturally
easily

and without any sort of

toil
worry
burden

I would rather have one of those

"I-didn't-even-know-that-I-was-pregnant" smooth labor delivery stories
(if those are even real)

Then as we sat remembering...

our pregnancies
our pains
our past

we began to laugh

and I secretly marveled at how

what once felt like could kill us is actually funny to us now
(how is this funny to us now?)

but as

we sat
we laughed

with joy

as we relived

the uncomfortable
the unpleasant
the uneasy

and I realized that life is just like that

There is really no such thing as "smooth labor"
(its an oxymoron, really)

because by very nature the term labor indicates something difficult
and so when you are attempting to birth something

it will not be easy

Then as I got in my car to leave, this song was playing...



and I wondered

how he could have known
how he could have penned it so perfectly

because I am coming to understand that

pregnancy
labor
childbirth

and life

can all seem to be painful experiences that

stretch us
mature us
grow us

and fill us

with uncertainty...
and hope

but

this is exactly what I was made for

even if
even when

it seems to be
way beyond me

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