I don't usually read the morning paper,
but today's front page headlines caught my attention
It read:
"Burials begin in Connecticut"
I looked down at a picture of a hearse
carrying the body of a 6-year old child
and my heart sank
I blinked hard to stop the tears
I felt tears forming in the corners of my eyes
I couldn't cry there.
I turned the paper over
(as if not seeing it would make it less real)
and
was
shocked
by what was printed directly on the back side of the tragedy
Bold, brightly colored advertisements for
toys on sale
gift suggestions
pictures of more stuff to buy
(as if what we really need right now is more stuff)
The message rang out loud and clear...
that sometimes life is...
contradictory
confusing
cruel
Sometimes life hurts
In fact, just yesterday I was thinking about the 5 year-old girl in this picture
remembering the...
fear
uncertainty
unspoken pain
she felt as her mother lay sick in the hospital... on this picture day
It's like a tragic headline with colorful ads on the back
"Smile for the camera, sweetie"
But who wants to smile when life hurts?
She eventually managed this forced little smile to disguise the fact
that she had already learned that even children are sometimes left feeling...
helpless
sad
alone
I understand it better now and wish that I could
sit down with her
pull her up onto my lap
hold her close
and
just let her cry...
I would apologize for not giving her the opportunity to grieve that experience;
for minimizing her pain and lying to her that she was alright.
I would apologize for teaching her to wear a mask,
and making her pretend to be strong when she was only a child.
If I had it to do all over again...
I would let her cry
and after her tears subsided
I would pull her in really tight
and quietly whisper
Now let me tell you who to call...
the next time when life hurts