When Life Hurts

I don't usually read the morning paper,

but today's front page headlines caught my attention

 

It read:

"Burials begin in Connecticut"

I looked down at a picture of a hearse

carrying the body of a 6-year old child

and my heart sank 

I blinked hard to stop the tears

I felt tears forming in the corners of my eyes

I couldn't cry there.

I turned the paper over

(as if not seeing it would make it less real)

and

was

shocked

by what was printed directly on the back side of the tragedy

Bold, brightly colored advertisements for

toys on sale

gift suggestions

pictures of more stuff to buy

(as if what we really need right now is more stuff)

The message rang out loud and clear...

that sometimes life is...

contradictory

confusing

cruel

Sometimes life hurts

In fact, just yesterday I was thinking about the 5 year-old girl in this picture

remembering the... 

fear

uncertainty

unspoken pain

she felt as her mother lay sick in the hospital... on this picture day

It's like a tragic headline with colorful ads on the back

"Smile for the camera, sweetie"

But who wants to smile when life hurts?

She eventually managed this forced little smile to disguise the fact

that she had already learned that even children are sometimes left feeling...

helpless

sad

alone

I understand it better now and wish that I could

sit down with her

pull her up onto my lap

hold her close

and

just let her cry...

I would apologize for not giving her the opportunity to grieve that experience;

for minimizing her pain and lying to her that she was alright. 

I would apologize for teaching her to wear a mask,

and making her pretend to be strong when she was only a child.

If I had it to do all over again...

I would let her cry

and after her tears subsided

I would pull her in really tight 

and quietly whisper

Now let me tell you who to call...

the next time when life hurts